after reading what was written, seriously? i'm still the same old person everyone knows. just more free now. outside, i may seem happy, independent. but inside, i feel like i've lost the biggest pillar i've leant on for the past 2 years or so. i thought i would have been able to build another, but apparently, its too difficult to. i feel sad everynight, knowing (honestly) that life will never be the same again. really, i miss you alot, so much. but i don't think i want to admit that because you'll never feel the same. i don't like feeling one sided myself, so i don't and will never want to discuss and say out my true feelings knowing that it wont be reciprocated. all in all, it just feels like a big hole has been drilled through my life. we were so happy from the beginning. i look forward to everything with you. even during the past few months even if i don't seem to show so. but somehow, we just expect too much out of each other. too familiar with each other that we take each other for granted. maybe this isn't what you think of it? ive always enjoyed just sitting down, being close to you. sad that isn't ever going to happen. when you said about what if you could've gone for the india trip, i felt with all my heart that i wanted to see you before you go. unfortunately, that turned out to be a really bad conversation too.

sigh, things will never be the same.

i start school tomorrow. organic chemistry. 2-5pm .. so sian...