i feel like vomitting after the super cold raspberry starbucks shake. must be the $2 nasi padang i bought after going home. ok i've no idea why i wanted to change my blog address actually. would it be because i wanted a new blog address? because i'm sick of the old name? because i'm just didn't want him to see what i write? because i wanted him to ask me why i changed it?

the past few months have been the greatest for me. it was the times where me and alvin were the best, i just loved every moment of it. i felt even more prepped after visiting his family for cny, helping him for his resume, writing the starting emails to the individual companies he wanted to join, crapping with each other and just being plain silly .

but i guess with every peace time, there would be a time of war as well. i felt stupid when i just had to be so selfish and just said blatantly i didn't want him to go out with her. what was i thinking? somewhere in the likes of maybe just going out of our comfort zone. when i think about it, what if i had gone out with andrey or someone else? i pointed that out to him and he kinda seems not to care if i do. that just felt disgusting to me.

apart from that, i felt a super low esteem these days whenever he points out about this girl pretty, dress nice. i mean ok la, occasionally its fine for me, but just that compliment me sometimes too? if not i feel like as though i'm nothing to him. i spoke to kelvin about it and he said a lot of things.

firstly i shall start with cell group and what happened. basically he wanted to tell us about marriage. how a close christian couple friends of his are going to be separated. basically, he told me during the mac that its an affair with a china girl. ok i'm not wanting to say this but i really dislike china people. thats for another post. heh . so like hes saying that we should pray hard whenever we're in a relationship, have a family altar where the couple does devotion together and to be stable in a relationship, we should have heavenly goals and earthly bound. i think thats what he says.

meaning that we should have a goal that God binds us and of course not only spiritually don't neglect stuff like giving gifts to each other, having tours etc. he says how your relationship is shows how you and God are (during our walk home). anyway i feel like as though i was really bad, i just regretted what i said before to him, just stupidly saying out before i thought through it. we shouldn't be in our comfort zones all the time. after all, we'll have the rest of our lifetimes with each other (i really want that). but it's kinda too late to take back words. so i'll just be relying on God . it's about time that i did that too.