for the past few days and even weeks, i've been hovering over the decision. things i've seen and experienced at work have brought me to even consider it. yes, i've already thought about it before but i procrastinated and thought things would be better. maybe God is testing me here and i'm just being impatient. i thought i was the world's most patient person. i dont even mind waiting 2-3 hours that day last year. but recently, maybe i'm just tired of waiting. i asked her today about it . just 1 day.at first she was alright with it. then just because of 1 comment against her today, she said 'vanessa, i think next week i don't want to change with you already if i get this type of comment'.

i was like...

what is 1 freaking day compared to 4 months? what was all the enthusiasm about changing post if i feel like tired of doing what i do? 1 comment affects you? what about all the shit i've gotten from everyone else every single day?

it does not show that i'm strong. it doesn't show anything. i dont want to make it seem i want to run away from all these that's why. i keep thinking that i should be selfish and just do things my own way. but what i do affects everyone here and i don't want to keep thinking like without me things cannot go on, but somehow, it seems to be this way.

well, shit happens and i totally scorn at the irony.