5 years ago, i felt that i can feel no anger at anyone, no loathsome feeling.

presently, i do feel it . or was feeling and am going to feel it.

the words Kelvin put in cell, about the forgiving part? i identified with it so well i thought i could earn $500 giving a talk just about the feeling of forgiveness.

i feel compelled to write here cuz i've been keeping it in myself for some time. perhaps only my colleagues know about it. have i told anyone else?

the first time i ever really hated someone to the core was someone from work. she made me loathe her badly that i just tried to find every excuse to escape from her. i hated her for not helping herself at work and just depending on others for help. especially when she's so senior.
i loathed her to the point that i would just stop talking to her entirely one day and only spoke when necessary. I wanted to get out of bedok so badly to escape from all this shit.

does it sound bad? even A felt it and the stupid part was she and i are both Christians.
i felt so down in the dumps for so long that it just drained me at work. this lasted a few months till aug/sept.

if anyone wants to know how unforgiveness felt, dont even try to want to feel it. personally, its the worst feeling anyone can ever feel.

i cant remember when i changed my heart.how can i call myself a Christian but hate and not love my fellow enemy? but i must say God really brought me out of it. i kept telling myself and every sunday at church, somehow my prayer would always be for the staff who comes to lab. Mui fong, Hamidah, Annie, Adele, Laura, David, Nosimah, Muslinah, Nuridah, Lai Teng even Suraya who has already gone to Australia.

So one day, God really answered my prayers miraculously cuz i didn't feel any animosity and felt at peace. I saw her and smiled. I even talked to Adele about it. She and I somehow grew stronger. Maybe we should do devotion during lunch too. lol just a suggestion.

i don't admit i'm totally out of it. I still do feel irritated whenever she does something directly or indirectly bad but as i learnt 'hate the sin but not the sinner'.
that's something which is really important and i pray God instills in me His love and peace to love the people i dont like.