emotions kill. my weakness are my emotions. once i feel something bad be it for a reason or not, it affects me. Dear God, please help me with this. i think it happens in work too. if someone treats me in a way i dont expect, i would think otherwise. I'm sorry i ruined today and i know it happend before. I shouldn't put too much expectations, but i guess it also got fueled by my emotions before that. I know you're the most wonderful person to me other than my parents and i shouldn't have been rude to them also. I shouldn't do alot of things.
but at least i know myself better and that i should keep my emotions in check.
that being said, i dont expect us to be the most loving couple, or thats what you said. but what i expect? just being truthful and respectful to each other. yes i shouldn't expect gestures of love as thats not what you are. i mean , not saying you don't but its not your character to show gestures. you do it in other ways like caring whether i exercise to be healthy, to make sure i save (of course that's for both our sakes), to ensure i grow properly. yea thats your wonderful way of showing that you love me. maybe you have other ways that you do but i dont know.
seeing today, i should be more mature and know . i mean thats what our relationship for 8 years is for right? knowing what we expect of each other etc etc, but sometimes we make mistakes and this is one which i made so im hoping you forgive me. i hope you dont regret being with me.
knowing about my emotions, im thinking of a way to keep them in check. i dont want to blame my body i mean if period is coming or what so i have every right to be emotional. and even if its because of that, i dont want to show that im emo. i ll do it in another way so that it benefits us: that you know i feel sian and i know that i shouldnt show it. im sorry sometimes i do show it and you cant do anything. thank you for understanding me. we shouldnt take each other for granted, sometimes i think its good to have a quarrel once in a while aiya but bad lah . at least we review ourselves again but of course its bad. i dont like feeling like just now at all.
anyway, another separate issue from all these, just feel really scared for biochem exam. i've submitted my assignments and all but somehow theres something in my brain just feel stuck from studying. like i know im supposed to study and i am studying, but theres a fear from failing. maybe its my 2nd last module and i dont want to screw it up but just a fear? like if i do screw up i really dont know what i'll do . its not the fear of going for exam, but the fear of screwing it up. like you know its the last module and something bad will happen, that kinda feeling. now i wrote about it here, i feel like i keep thinking of it again. i really want to finish this year and free myself from PSB. But an analogy, perhaps its like im in a pit and i cant get out , either the rope is too short or i'm too tired. yea i think its more like im too tired . ARGH!
ok emotions starting to kick in again from thinking of it. really need prayer.
but at least i know myself better and that i should keep my emotions in check.
that being said, i dont expect us to be the most loving couple, or thats what you said. but what i expect? just being truthful and respectful to each other. yes i shouldn't expect gestures of love as thats not what you are. i mean , not saying you don't but its not your character to show gestures. you do it in other ways like caring whether i exercise to be healthy, to make sure i save (of course that's for both our sakes), to ensure i grow properly. yea thats your wonderful way of showing that you love me. maybe you have other ways that you do but i dont know.
seeing today, i should be more mature and know . i mean thats what our relationship for 8 years is for right? knowing what we expect of each other etc etc, but sometimes we make mistakes and this is one which i made so im hoping you forgive me. i hope you dont regret being with me.
knowing about my emotions, im thinking of a way to keep them in check. i dont want to blame my body i mean if period is coming or what so i have every right to be emotional. and even if its because of that, i dont want to show that im emo. i ll do it in another way so that it benefits us: that you know i feel sian and i know that i shouldnt show it. im sorry sometimes i do show it and you cant do anything. thank you for understanding me. we shouldnt take each other for granted, sometimes i think its good to have a quarrel once in a while aiya but bad lah . at least we review ourselves again but of course its bad. i dont like feeling like just now at all.
anyway, another separate issue from all these, just feel really scared for biochem exam. i've submitted my assignments and all but somehow theres something in my brain just feel stuck from studying. like i know im supposed to study and i am studying, but theres a fear from failing. maybe its my 2nd last module and i dont want to screw it up but just a fear? like if i do screw up i really dont know what i'll do . its not the fear of going for exam, but the fear of screwing it up. like you know its the last module and something bad will happen, that kinda feeling. now i wrote about it here, i feel like i keep thinking of it again. i really want to finish this year and free myself from PSB. But an analogy, perhaps its like im in a pit and i cant get out , either the rope is too short or i'm too tired. yea i think its more like im too tired . ARGH!
ok emotions starting to kick in again from thinking of it. really need prayer.
posted by Queen P @ 7:53 PM
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