supermassiveblackhole

2011-11-13T17:34:00.002+08:00

today i was working with chew mei and zheng hao. quite a lot of sterile sites and blood positives to process. funnyy thing is when i was plating, was shocked to see the trainee doc coming in to spin blood. thought he doesn't work on sundays, but i learnt from him that he isn't paid for his project. wahhh imagine your internship you're doing it for free and putting in all those sundays.

then me and chew mei had fun during lunch gossiping abt the lab people. THANK GOD that the clinical lab people like zaki did not work today. i seriously cannot tahan when they all settle in one group and start talking darn loudly like even the dead people in the mortuary next door can hear them.

hope to see you soon. miss touching you, looking at your face, weird but talking to you too. wanted to cook for you tomorrow since i'm on off but oh well, another time then since you're still angry..

2011-11-10T22:32:00.001+08:00

sometimes i ask myself why cant i have what others have? but i tell myself, i have it special and good things come to those who wait after all.

2011-09-15T23:53:00.002+08:00

why cant i be super skinny so that EVERYTHING i wear looks goood.

bloody depressing.i hate being fat. i don't know what to wear.

2011-09-08T23:53:00.002+08:00

No child should suffer from anything. Today a kid of 12 years old died from blood sepsis. Infected with burkholderia pseudomallei which. Causes Meliodosis . Quite sad as his younger brother Died of the same a few years ago and he might have carried the bacteria these few years without knowing. Working at KKH has opened me to the suffering a kid goes through with cancer and even a simple sore throat. Quite sad for the parents

2011-08-29T23:06:00.001+08:00

Teachers day is this Friday. No longer the 1st of sept but the 1st Friday of sept so that teachers cAn enjoy a long weekend. They should have engineers day or designers day or med techday . After all we contribute significantly to society . Tomorrow is hari raya! Selamat hari raya adilfitri! Finally got pple to eat with for lunch.

2011-08-29T22:58:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I don't know if what I'm doing is enough. Sometimes I'm too scared to try. Does too much good sometimes kill you? should I leave it ?

2011-08-09T21:54:00.002+08:00

I just realized that I haven't watched cAptain America and Harry potter yet! How outdated can I be. After this exam I am sooooo going to find it online !

After tomorrow exam I will
- buy hersheys for treating myself after hard work and then wonder where it goes to
- start exercising after a week hiatus.
- meet secondary friends and nurul. Nurul because I owe her a chocolate cake
- go Malaysia and spend my 500ringgit

Somemore got what?

2011-08-09T21:34:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I feel like I'm always doing something wrong. Can't I think before doing something ? Sigh. He is still angry and I don't quite dare to do anything . Tmr is genetics exam. I am really tired of going to school. Sometimes regret fills me like why did I take this course for? Should I have done it somewhere else instead ? Started later when I was more matured in knowing what I wanted in life? Maybe even not doing the course. But no instead I'm a year late from graduating and nowhere near my goal.

Or maybe I'm just feeling emo now. Just times where I need a listening ear but I made mine angry so I ve myself to talk to.
Really want to cry .

The only nice part about the parade was the lady commander haha she's cool.

2011-08-06T00:30:00.002+08:00

i went for FOP today and it was good. i've always thought it was going to be like very hyped up and when you go home, you are back to square one. but IT WAS NOT!

very surprised cuz the songs they sang were old ones, plus a few new ones which i 've never heard before. but to me, i've never praised and worshipped God in a very long time in such a manner. i think its very different from when you were a 18 year old in synergiz and now as a 24 yr old in FOP.

i came to God today because i made a promise to come no matter what happens and God is amazing as you open your heart to Him its like wowwww.

i made a new promise to God yesterday and a new one today.

2011-08-04T20:08:00.001+08:00

i miss you but i dont dare to say to you

2011-08-04T19:32:00.002+08:00

as the month of ramadan is here and hari raya approaches, i was just looking back at my life and realized how much my malay friends mean to me. from pri sch till now, my greatest buddies are still malay. from pri school, there's shazleena who lives at the first floor while we lived on the top floor, there's pseudo malay andrey (ok la he not counted but still!) whose friendship with me still havent die yet despite us not talking from time to time. in class, im always seated with malay classmates (dont know why), in pri 5, my best buddy was the monitor who was also malay.

sec sch cannot count since its a methodist sch and not many malays around, but still , there's kabetha and pretti who are non chinese whom i made friends with and friendships still going on.

best times were in RP where in yr 3, my entire circle consisted of suraya, nurul, hilman, zul, dzul usha, royston .

even now when im working, the easiest pple to talk to are malay , like the reception staff siti, suraya who is in clinical, liza who is in my lab.

i've learnt to work with them and eat with them, even to the point of 'bukak puasa' with them which is during fasting month, i would wait till they can eat then i ll eat my dinner too. ahhh i dont know why just a heavy feeling in my heart for them suddenly during fasting month especially. its like a burden to want to tell them about God and all. but its tough. i almost had an encounter with suraya before but it didnt come through.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anyway just my thoughts if you are reading, im really sorry for whatever has happened. call me petty? call me ignorant? call me possessive? i have no idea, i was just looking through some old photos and i teared as i just feel like those are happy times and i want those happy times instead of times like this. can't say much anyway , maybe im waiting for you to talk to me? i dont know if you're angry still or what. or am i supposed to come look for you? i dont want to appear so desperate but i feel so but i cant do anything. hope things will be fine somehow. i miss you and just want to have time with you.

2011-08-03T20:19:00.000+08:00

a friend once told me to stand up for myself and that im too soft. i think i am and i miss my old self. i dont care what happens. its happiness i want and will get even if i have to suffer at the beginning.

2011-08-02T22:01:00.000+08:00

its funny how watching a movie can make you cry again even though you know what's going to happen at every turn.
i just realise how much we have changed in terms of everything and it doesn't take a movie to make us change. the activities we do with each other, the time spent, the words said, the actions taken all brought us both here and i'm very glad we're still going on strong. despite all the bad things which had happened, the good should always overshine over it.
i want you to know your words are very important to me. haha. i love your efforts of thinking of activities in trying to bond us together. i love it that you're the one stable person in my hectic disorganized life. the fact that you still love me in spite of my shape and size. you're just really amazing person and i just want to thank you, alvin.

2011-08-01T23:40:00.001+08:00

maybe hiding is still the best thing to cure pain.

2011-05-30T23:53:00.002+08:00

went out with the colleagues today and just feel nostalgic. i shan't write so much cuz i think i wont be able to finish a lot. anyway i just felt like my life is broken into parts. different parts where i was a kid, learning about life, had a lot of friends and now moving on to another job. it's so God-given i told A.

i was looking at them talking just now and i feel wow, i have learnt so much just being at bedok these past few years. not just about the job but more of life skills. learning to read people, humility and respect. I thank God for a wonderful boss mui fong, she is one who really supports me in what i do. kinda like my 2nd mom in a sense cuz i actually see her more often than my own mom. adele who is finally pregnant with a girl RAEANNE (i think). God-given child. always very giving even if she's hot tempered at the moment. past colleagues like Suraya, Annie, Laura, David ( who couldn't make it today cuz he ran a marathon on saturday night.) present colleagues like winnie, siti, nura and amillie. wow i ll miss them all.

the pasir ris pple , Seen and Dixie told adele, that i'm leaving and mui fong is missing one arm and when adele goes on maternity, another arm is gone.

the only regret is maybe not being nicer to patients. in the past few weeks which i had been serving my notice, i try not to be on the bad books. what i mean is just being plain nicer to them. i know its not easy cuz they are rather nasty these few years and no one empathizes with us.

all in all, im moving into another chapter of my life. one which i'm praying will be more exciting and i would learn more things which will in future benefit me.

2011-04-20T23:16:00.002+08:00

nura's brother died in an accident few days ago and i dont know but it feels like someone close to me died. don't know if its part of me being sensitive these days but i started to think what if its my own bro. and somehow it has made me want to appreciate my family and alvin more. and seeing alvin's grandma that day also made me want to cry in fear that what if a loved one passed on.

death is a scary thing

2011-03-11T19:16:00.001+08:00

i think i'm a good cook!!

been trying out stuff which are thrown into the pan and stir together with some pasta aaannnnnddddd its niceeeee!

2011-03-09T22:51:00.002+08:00

been trying to exercise, eat right, trying to slim to look nice. and also for you.

im envious over what people have.

i really cant wait for my holiday next month.

2011-03-09T22:24:00.003+08:00

ahh that time of the month is coming soon. haven't been feeling this depressing feeling for some time. these days i just feel so very sian. overwhelmed is the word i think.

need more encouragement but of course i cant rely on people. wish i can cry out to someone who hug me and just listen .

i'm just ao tired of work these days. i feel horrible after shouting at the patient but ...
finding a new job? maybe i dont even want to work?
just feel very dead and crying it out makes me feel better.

these are just my pre monthly thoughts and feelings

2011-02-20T23:22:00.000+08:00

i just want to feel doted upon.

scie is killing.

2011-02-03T14:10:00.001+08:00

on another note, the next 2 weeks are gonna feel like i'm having my own BMT.

a typical day:

work, school, sleep.

imagine that for 6 days a week.

can't see alvin.

now that sucks.

anyway i think march is even worse.

2011-02-03T13:52:00.003+08:00

Regarding MM Lee's comments about muslims/malays being distinct and separate, i would like to disagree. why i'm writing this? i dont know why, i guess its cuz i've always had malay friends at every point of my life and i've always enjoyed their company. in fact, my most greatest friends are malay or malay mixed. primary school, sec sch, poly. these are the only people who are friendly to you no matter what. ok maybe its just my own experiences, maybe others out there don't have good experiences. and to me, they aren't stuck up as most chinese people are. food wise, i guess i already like spicy stuff since young, so its easy for me to integrate with them. and i respect them in a way that if i wanted to choose to eat chinese food, i wont order stuff like pork and sit next to them. even if i do order, my friends etc suraya won't mind as long as i dont spill it over. thus saying, MM lee's comments are quite far from what our generation is experiencing.

2011-01-24T11:59:00.000+08:00

i really like the MIT professor on youtube explaining about the mendel laws of segregation and independent assortment. better than the prof at school who dresses like a bus conductor

2011-01-24T11:53:00.002+08:00

i was just asking you if you wanted lunch. sun bian buy back for you after my swim since its on the way. you had to say until like that. i'm pissed.

why do i have to try to make things right? why don't you try to be in my shoes and be the 'bad' one all the time.

2011-01-24T10:34:00.003+08:00

i saw yu cui's post on facebook about her bf proposing and that she's gonna get married next year. sangeetha's going to germany, hefni's finished school, ron and marc are starting school, dad and mom are going holiday with aunty doris next week.

EVERYONE AROUND ME IS HAPPPY.

makes me envious because i have yet to
- finish school
- get married
- go on a holiday

but i'm working towards all that. although the get married part is prob another 5 years down, but i'm still looking forward.

so to those who are happy, i'm happy that you're happy.

2011-01-23T20:44:00.002+08:00

exams are coming yet again. i only have myself to blame for trying to chiong my studies. a result of what happens when i didn't work harder earlier . i hear mizi wanted to quit just cuz he failed molecular bio yr 2 , twice. i wonder what would've happened if i failed again and didn't want that to happen.

been very tired lately at work. for thurs and fri, mui fong and adele weren't around. i had to be the in charge. not easy really. i hate to say this but working there for 4 years had made me what i am. what laiteng told me a few years ago 'you must know everything, if not one day seniors not around then how?' for this reason, i pushed to know the happenings around. and i'm glad i did . proud of myself for those 2 days. but i'm always glad to have someone over me. wanted to take half days last week to study cuz it just isn't a conducive environment to study at work. but i couldnt cuz only left the 4 young ones around, they dont even know how to close the machines so i 'sacrifice'. i'm glad sandy allowed me 2 days leave for tmr and tues.

i dont know how i will survive scie3326/7. its gonna be the toughest module yet but partly because i dont have nurul, lokman, jane, and the rest that i know around. i dont even have a lab partneR! thank God for christina and sharon loh. i wonder what would've happened if i weren't in this course. like if i took a different path. i wonderr..........

2010-12-27T23:05:00.001+08:00

yayee i passed midsem!!! very much looking forward to next year, think it ll be a special one

2010-12-05T23:21:00.002+08:00

cannot tahan school already. really wanna give up.

maybe what i need is to stop working and concentrate fully.

but then.. who will pay my bills for me?

2010-12-05T09:03:00.000+08:00

how do i see the world around me differently?

2010-11-12T19:12:00.001+08:00

i guess i wished you could ask me over or something.

2010-11-11T18:31:00.003+08:00

something wrong with my blog? i think.......

wahhh i just tried to enrol and woooo!!! i think God is great!

B1-SCIE3326
B2-SCIE3327
G3-GENE2230
G4-GENE3331
G5-GENE3332

and in 2012,
G1-CHEM2221
G3-BIOC3353
G4-BIOC3354

i don't know how i managed it but i thought i couldn't enrol for scie for next january because i wanted to take chem 2221 in jan and i really hate to cram all year 3 modules one after another. but somehow i managed to see that there was a chem 2221 in 2012 jan!!!
wahhh if i know ah, i would've take biochem3353 NOW instead of MICR3308 and grad 6 months earlier. WASTED!

ah never mind, God is still GOOOOOD!

2010-11-07T22:25:00.002+08:00

you think so nice to feel meh? if i could, i would take a way the power of feeling. cuz that's like the most destructive thing ever. i wish i could feel no emotion like a robot. reallly! emotions are like my kind of torture.

i like what pong told me that time:

' i think its time you explored the space around you '

wise powerful words which set me thinking

2010-11-04T21:44:00.001+08:00

feels like everythings not going well for me..
don't feel any care.

urgghhhh depressed.

2010-10-24T23:51:00.000+08:00

gahh having lots of fantasies running in my head. omg

2010-10-24T22:22:00.002+08:00

really itching to go for some live concert or something .

some bands i would wanna watch but unfortunately singapore is so bloody limited in her music taste.

- further seems forever
- rob zombie
- third eye blind
- smashing pumpkins

received a guitar pick from Darius today . wheeeee taught me a few techniques which was wahhh idiotic cuz i couldn't keep up. felt quite frustrated playing the song just now.

left the service halfway with jing yu and we went to kovan to eat dinner. initially wanted to be just dinner but i had the shopping urge, soooo we went to ion!!!

shopping does good to your soul i must say.

bought a new wallet and new bag = $50 only!

ahhh enjoying the fruits of my labour now.....

next week i'm so free so i shall go do my loan assessment.

2010-10-11T17:56:00.002+08:00

about work:

been working with decreased staff for the past few weeks, due to midzi having influenza A virus infection, nura having bad cough, muifong and annie taking long leave, winnie having back ache, adele ... complaining about not being preggers. haha me? no complain at all.

then just last week? midzi had to get into accident. arghhh, i can kill him seriously. never mind, i ll just let his gf kill him.

then this week? two complains come in, one for winnie, one for midzi.

for me? just trying to get the young ones out of trouble which is so difficult.

about school:

lectures are boring, just the labs which needs to do a lot of reports which i'm lazy to do, but i see sharon so hard at work and i feel sooo motivated already... NOT.

2010-10-11T17:22:00.003+08:00

i guess i've been wondering what makes a relationship work.

and surprise, nothing comes up other than communication which is probably the most important.

i'm sad. cuz the past few weeks, we've not really been communicating. why? i don't know. i'm sad, because you would sms other people than to ask about my day. (maybe its what i notice)

maybe its my fault as well.

maybe i just want to hear you tell me that you still think about me.

that i'm still special.

that i'm wanted by you.

maybe its just pre birthday blues.

i miss everything about you but i'm afraid to tell you. because you aren't really a words person and these sort of words you'll just brush off. i hope i'm wrong.

well just writing here because i doubt i can tell you these now and you'll reply me so nicely, plus you're so busy with your work.

i want to tell you so many things but i don't feel connected to you.

i want to reconnect back. would you want to?

2010-10-10T21:54:00.001+08:00

think i love my secular life more than church life somehow.

God please change me.

2010-10-06T22:36:00.001+08:00

argh feel like crying again

2010-10-06T21:47:00.002+08:00

i'm sorta loving my life. everything is going quite well, especially school. it's picking up quite well.

well gonna talk about school. back with the familiar people that i've come to know for so long. ahhh you know how i said earlier that lab is the only time where we laugh, play and know each other even better? yeaaaaaa i'm lovinggg lab.

got to know some other people whom nurul and lokman know, and lab's been going on quite smoothly. now i'm just thinking if i should take forensic or chemistry in january...

oh well... forensic is really dry but interesting... haha chemistry has ALL of them but i hate chemistry. darnnnnnn

i bet if i was someone else, you would.

2010-09-24T23:31:00.001+08:00

so many things i wanna do, too much time, no management.

sigh... luteal phase is almost over.

2010-09-17T22:10:00.002+08:00

no one has ever said that they needed me.

oh well...

anywayy i cant wait for saturday !!!

finally seeing all my old friends. ahhhhhhh

9 months away from the 108 batch wahh i missed out on a lot.

wish someone can sponsor me the microbiology text book. $52 for 14 weeks is so not worth it.

2010-09-17T21:05:00.001+08:00

i'm happy, for a various few reasons

:):)

2010-09-15T22:00:00.003+08:00

sigh a lot of things on my mind now....

err it's not about the quarrel (in case you are reading)

just wished i had someone to talk to. but it seems so hard when all we see of each other is only the weekend.

by the time it reaches then, i would not have it in my mind already.

good friend has gone travelling, the sec sch friend has her stuff. obviously you don't want to talk to me so i dont want to talk to you too.

oh well.. its just my fault for saying out sometimes since it culminates to this.

tomorrow is interview with NEA.

still thinking whether to go or not.

2010-09-13T23:32:00.000+08:00

today felt goood.

i shall just resign to it lah...

2010-09-10T23:13:00.003+08:00

these are really the times where i feel the loneliest. want more hugs more kisses, more love.

motivate and encourage me, whoever is reading this. i hate to speak my mind and i feel like clamming up. don't blame me.

the times i feel like quitting everything and just go into my hideaway (do i even have one?)

know why i love to swim? listen to industrial? because those are the times when i truly feel myself.

swimming makes me let go off all the bad vibes and energy other than getting a tan.

the water. it makes you feel peaceful. makes me feel whole and in control. don't you know that water has calming effect? lol

industrial... it's just the bad side of me getting 'high' haha. sounds funny i shan't elaborate.

know why i understood how K was going through? because i've gone through it before.

confession: i've undergone a silent depression. yes silent meaning its within me and i fought it myself. i didn't want to tell anyone. why? because why tell? why make people show the concern . the fake concern when all along even when you're ok, they dont even show anything.

not that i'm saying K is going through depression but.. you get the gist.

it's an everpresent internal war which battles i haven't won totally. and i don't know why i'm even writing this here. maybe i just want someone to ask me and listen to me, to ask me 'how are you', to tell me 'i love you'

but i know this; never again will i lower myself to please other people. and i do mean it.

2010-09-10T23:06:00.001+08:00

you know sometimes you've got a lot of friends but at the end of the day, you're just lonely?

yea thats what i get all the time.

2010-09-10T22:29:00.002+08:00

places i wanna go to:
walla walla
timbre
sinema (only to watch HUSH cuz its RA! hahah no lar..)
sentosa
max brenner chocolate cafe (correct name?)
holland v

2010-09-07T18:52:00.000+08:00

i feel so tired of school.

2010-09-03T23:26:00.000+08:00

Better write down before I forget.,
Things to do for birthday:
-drive in movie at moviemob foc!
-sinema old skool. But depends on what show is being screened.
-must have chocolate dessert somewhere.
-cuddles and hugs
-must not be on a school day. Hopefully
-always wanted to go sentosa and visit the attractions esp underwater world and luge but think its too ex.
Okay its just a few ideas but im excited!

2010-09-03T21:39:00.001+08:00

you say you will but i highly doubt you will.

2010-09-03T21:22:00.001+08:00

i wonder what makes myself different from others.

2010-08-31T23:27:00.000+08:00

i drew a straight line for a mouth in the face today. i'm still waiting for some miracle to happen to me.

2010-08-25T19:42:00.001+08:00

i feel neglected.

2010-08-24T23:25:00.002+08:00

i'm into my music thing again where i feel like i'm not complete without music. of course i'm only complete with God but i mean myself.....

i realise that i've always been myself because what i listen to, defines me and i like the edge i have over others because i'm not conventional.

well that was me last time.

now... i've mellowed and its a good change of course, being mature and participating in more 'adult' things

obviously i won't go to listening to hard rock and that type, just more and more bossanova and industrial.

apart from all that, mama and me have been great i think we've advanced much more with understanding. i feel like even if i dont have much to say (honestly i'm still trying to improve on this part), we won't have this 'silence' which we used to have. i feel all these wouldn't have been without God in our lives. God's love.

been doing hematology today. quite fun. i hear jacintha complaining about the nurse who came to take their blood today , i'm quite appalled by their standards. sorry the next few words are very 'hao lian' but i think i'm goood and they should've waited for me. hhahaa so super hao lian i know.. but aiya everyone wants to be wanted mah...

heh anyway i wish a million bucks would just drop from the sky so it would solve my money woes but aiyo it's not an easy path ahead and i shall strive..........

but what would you do with a million dollars anyway?

2010-08-20T19:26:00.001+08:00

there's a lot of things which i've been wondering.

is it right or wrong
is it just me who is the one.
is there a line crossed.

i think the less i know, the better.

2010-08-17T16:29:00.001+08:00

let's face it; i'm afraid.

2010-08-16T07:56:00.000+08:00

the most common question we always ask is 'why'

so, why?

2010-08-01T18:58:00.001+08:00

going to start new module tomorrow. PHYL 2255. supposed to be my last module before i graduate but unfortunately for me i failed some so it's not my last. but it's fun!!!!! physiology i'm gonna score HD for it!

2010-07-31T23:19:00.003+08:00

had some fun with family today, eating dinner and seeing the new house at geylang east blk 132. think dad wanna buy there which is a good place. near the mrt and all.

feels as though there's something wrong.

2010-07-29T23:56:00.001+08:00

wheeeeee we're happy again... i hope.

2010-07-28T23:04:00.003+08:00

this week, suddenly have some extreme adrenaline. it used to be us tahan the patients now its us fighting back, not quite literally lar. just more of standing up for ourselves. but i keep thinking why i cant use this new 'trait' of myself for real. like just telling sandy 'hey i dont want to sign contract anymore' and really shock her for real. i mean of course my objective is to find a job la. everyday i pray someone would call me for an interview but somehow they have stopped coming. i wonder if this is what i'm supposed to be doing at all?

i wonder if God's path for me is this way.

i just feel confused, what am i supposed to be doing? am i supposed to sit through and wait? or force myself out of my comfort zone and be 'discomforted'.

so many 'i wonder'

2010-07-28T22:55:00.002+08:00

very hungry now................

suddenly having an obsession with football. like after the world cup, got some cold turkey feeling suddenly not having any matches to watch. after watching germany and japan play in the world cup, i was quite impressed by these two countries. so kinda waiting for uefa champions league group stage end august to watch bayern munich.

well in another sense, i just feel like as though i got no mood for work anymore. it's like i just bo chap everything. example laura ask me where to put the preventive maintenance paper, i'm like... send out lor... adele say put in file. i'm like ... ok lor... honestly even if patient wanna say me, i just show some face. honestly no mood at all. i walked down the stairs with laura at the end of the day saying 'laura i really want to quitttt!!!!!!!'

i want a new holiday! really want to go to australia.....

2010-07-27T21:18:00.002+08:00

ahh got no football to watch after the world cup but but! there will be the uefa champions league coming. oh actually it has already started but now is just the qualifying stage. more exciting is end of august where the bigger teams like those in the BPL, La liga, serie a and budesliga will compete! rooting for FC bayern munic! ho ho ho!

i must say i dont like BPL cuz the players there are just over rated.

2010-07-26T23:33:00.000+08:00

or maybe i just want your attention when i need you.

2010-07-26T23:26:00.001+08:00

post traumatic stress. i think i put up a front after this morning. feel like breaking down. i'm talking to myself here cuz its the only place and avenue where i can vent myself without anyone criticizing.

2010-07-26T23:23:00.001+08:00

suddenly just feel like i'm not important anymore.

2010-07-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

well.. that being said, i suddenly feel tired from all those emotions coming from me the whole day. just tired.

and suddenly i feel like crying again. shit..

grrrr wish i could feel cheered up

2010-07-26T22:44:00.002+08:00

i actually had the chance of telling a patient off with my mind just now. some malay guy comes in, tells me he doesn't have his form. so ok fine, i say go see doc since no form, we can't do test , dont know what test to do blah blah standard answer. so he stand there while i serve some other patient. dont know what he doing standing there, suddenly say tell me your name.

so i'm quite pissed cuz i didnt do anything. you dont want to listen to me not my problem it is YOURS that you never bother to try . then he shows me appointment card and i saw there's a 'blood test' written next to today's date, so ok i tell him ' oh okay Please go to room 13 sir, the nurse can help you print your form'

ok before anyone says 'why you never tell him that earlier' . because our rule of thumb is if the pt says DONT HAVE FORM AT ALL, we say go see doctor. if patient SHOWS US CARD AND DONT HAVE FORM BUT HAVE APPT TO DO TEST, we ll say go see nurse and print.

but anyway, today i really have no mood for anything. just don't. so it's like i say oh you want my name? sure no problem. i show him name tag, then i took out put in front of him and say oh here it is , do spell my name correctly ok. i think he got a bit shock cuz he kept quiet. then he left, dont know go where then later come back and was ok. but i think he will make trouble cuz this is not exactly his first time here also LOSER....

another one that happened was winnie was telling a , let me stress 54 year old man!!!!, about doing ecg only when seeing doctor. so she couldn't handle asks me to take so ok i explain that without the ecg form, we cant do and then recommends he see the doctor to get a new piece. he says not seeing and he misplaced the form, so ok i say if that's the case, we could do for him first then help him register for the doc to get the form. see we so nice hor, never insist and help him somemore. does he appreciate? noooooooo

instead he scold me ' you think i stupid is it, you bully me i'm a SENIOR CITIZEN!' i stress that he was truly shouting at the top of his voice. i seriously want to slap his face but the stupid thing is, he's not SENIOR CITIZEN. and who is bullying who?

adele heard the commotion , then she brought him to see the nurse manager, after which i heard from her that he is a very hot tempered person. and then he CURSE at adele and the NM, that they dont want to do for him, so if he died, he will come back and haunt bedok and esp the lab. and that he wants to complain to his MP. man i wish i could have been there. suddenly really felt like i've adrenaline and wanted to scold him back. i wished i had nadzirah's courage (long story).

the point is that singaporeans are so bloody pampered these days that they never stop and thank the government for what they have done. ok fine i am pampered too, but the point is they are just TOOO MUCH. i just felt like i got no more heart. i mean i used to tolerate and be nice but this is just far too much to be nice.

2010-07-24T17:33:00.001+08:00

Where do we draw the line sometimes?

2010-07-23T00:03:00.001+08:00

Dont worry im just feeling slightly depressed. Think I cant sleep alone. Being alone feels lonely. Being lonely makes me think bad thoughts. Maybe im just feeling a little down. Like before that certain time of the month comes kind of crazy. What am I thinking about? Feels like I am worse than before. So much more uglier and heavier and disgusting. I can be so much better like I had been. A day dream I have sometimes is of someone stroking my hair telling me im beautiful. Whatever I try just doesn't work. Maybe im not doing hard enough. Like I said, dont worry. Just an hour of pitying and crying in my own bed. Tmr I ll be better.

2010-07-22T23:09:00.001+08:00

and i wonder..

2010-06-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

i feel like i'm drowning but i can't quite die yet because i haven't 'drowned' enough.

2010-06-08T18:51:00.000+08:00

i'm amazed by our years of friendship.

2010-06-08T18:46:00.002+08:00

sigh.. i got scolded because i just wanted you to have a nice surprise. but i guess surprises don't work for you. i'm disappointed. not in you but myself. i cant even make your pre-birthday day work.

so you know, even if you do read or don't read it, dont do anything for me for mine. cuz i'm starting to hate birthdays.

2010-06-07T23:05:00.003+08:00

planning for his day is not easy.. but it's fun because kinda learn new things as in things that he enjoys doing. sometimes i feel slow that i've to keep up to his pace. that sometimes he calls me 'no adrenaline' makes me... well slow..

anyway i wanted to go USS. maybe its ME who wanted to but he didn't so in the end, i gave away those tics but gained back knowledge so it's for the best too.

i realise that the best things in life are not free. you have to pay or sacrifice something to get it but in the end it's still worth while because you appreciate it more.

2010-05-22T23:49:00.001+08:00

sometimes i wonder what am i going to be there for.

2010-04-26T22:59:00.002+08:00

THINGS TO DO BEFORE I TURN 30
- learn MMA!
- dye my hair half pink half black
- hitchhike around ... Asia? Europe?
- wear a dress to an event
- get make over

2010-04-17T23:49:00.000+08:00

sometimes i wonder what is with the saying 'everything happens for a reason' . isn't it supposed to be the consequences you 'suffer or enjoy' are what you choose earlier?

2010-03-22T13:43:00.000+08:00

Take and tell
For reading & meditation: John 20:10-18
"Go ' to my brothers and tell them '" (v.17)

Today, on this penultimate day of our meditations on Psalm 73, we face the important practical question: How do we go about the task of keeping close to God? Firstly, we do so by prayer. The person who keeps close to God is the one who is always talking to God. Many definitions of prayer have been given; I add another: prayer is co-operation with God. In prayer you align your desires, your will, your life to God. You and God become agreed on life desires, life purposes, life plans, and you work them out together. Secondly, we do it by constant study of the Scriptures. God's Word is alive with meaning, and when you read it something will happen to you, for "the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword" (Heb.4:12, NKJ). Expect it to speak to you - and it will. Faith is expectancy: "According to your faith will it be done to you" (Matt. 9:29). Remember also to surrender to the truth that is revealed: "If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know '" (John 7:17, NKJ). In a moral universe the key to knowledge is moral response. The moment we cease to obey, that moment the revelation ceases to reveal. We do it, thirdly, by sharing with others. Remember, nothing is ours if we do not share it. When we share, the things go deeper inside us. We must share what God is doing, both with our fellow Christians and with non-Christians also. The psalmist's last words are these: "I will tell of all your deeds." We take and we tell - we take and we tell; these, we must never forget, are the two heartbeats of the Christian experience.
Prayer:

Gracious Father, I don't want nearness to You to be an occasional experience - I want it to be a perpetual experience. Help me to pay the price, no matter what it costs. In Jesus' Name I ask it. Amen.

2010-03-20T23:37:00.001+08:00

i'm sooooo going to do well for STATS!

2010-03-19T21:36:00.001+08:00

suddenly i realize i have quite a lot of burdens. i feel really overwhelmed now.

2010-03-13T23:32:00.002+08:00

i'm starting to question some things in my life.

i found a song i've been looking for! originally by chris isaak. HIM has a version of it but i think original is still always best!

chris isaak - wicked game

HIM - wicked games

2010-03-03T16:23:00.000+08:00

why is it easier to please others than ourselves.

2010-01-27T22:46:00.002+08:00

life is great with God .

i love my life with God, Alvin, my family around me.

sounds boring to many people but i really thank God for alvin. many things i would love to thank him for really.

life is great with Alvin.

2010-01-13T22:53:00.003+08:00

i'm quite happy i got a 22/30 for micro scie lab test. its not bad la. to me. i'm not ahigh scorer and i know i never will be. i'm satisfied because i already know i did my best.

been quite low lately, i think i need chocolate soon. and i've come to the conclusion that eating rice makes your shit hard.

2009-12-28T22:34:00.002+08:00

is it a wonder why we always do wrong? shitty-ness feels great.

2009-12-28T13:53:00.001+08:00

POST CHRISTMAS SALE! yAYEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

2009-12-21T13:43:00.002+08:00

church people are the most fake people i've seen in my life. i don't mean everyone la. but its like you expect church people to be better than outside people. but somehow its EXPECTATIONS that fail us and we're wrong to see it that way as well.

somehow i've become scared of the future.

2009-12-14T21:56:00.002+08:00

i'm quite happy with my life now. everyday is a new learning experience but i'm glad experiences come by thus i can learn.

that being said, alvin left for church camp on sat. i must say i miss him badly. wondering why whenever someone goes, you miss them more than when they are actually around. maybe absence makes the heart fonder. but apart from these cliche sayings, i think i want to make myself look forward to his presence everyday instead of only in his absence , missing him. i'm happy for a lovely boyfriend like him. i thank God that one day about 5 years from now, we'll be married and perhaps fighting more? haha but it's just a couple thing, we learn and grow together. I thank God for him because I get the chance to love. i know there are many guys out there, why him? 1) cuz he is really what i need. sounds cliche i know. but when i think about it, he complements me. what i do, what i say. among guy friends i know, he's the only one i can really click with the most, the one i can express myself, the one i can be crazy (i'm still working on this part, sorry if i'm still not that crazy as you would like me to be). 2)his effort in making everything nice, in directing the relationship towards the proper direction. i know i'm not a very talkative person but he still makes effort in making conversation (which i'm STILLLLLL trying to improve on)

there's still other reasons . in a relationship, its not the feelings that sustain it because times of high and low feeling goes. but its really God's love that sustain it all. so thank you alvin chan zhiliang for being in my life and the love of my life!

oh he really encouraged me on methods to study, which i found one of my own tho its not really a method, which is understanding the concepts and reading many times until i get it. its just me, i understand things slowly. so the test actually went great with God's help too. there were some questions which i didn't understand but i analyzed it and the options and chose one. believe it or not when i checked my book, answers were correct. haha great!

2009-12-06T00:55:00.001+08:00

feel like quitting my course at PSB. saw my pathway for next year and next and its like... so long............................ 2012 then can grad??!?!

very siannnnnnn

2009-11-20T20:08:00.001+08:00

i just realized that my family is more dysfunctional than any other family out there.

2009-10-29T23:07:00.001+08:00

I WANT TO RANT.
i actually miss hanging out with my friend. but can i say i'm utterly disappointed in you? there, i've said it

2009-10-29T23:05:00.001+08:00

IT IS TIME!

ho yea can't wait till saturday.

2009-10-29T22:19:00.001+08:00

Those were the days he loves me more.

Those were the days he misses me more.

Those were the days he talks and listen to me more.

Those were the days he went crazy over me.

And I miss those days

2009-10-29T21:54:00.004+08:00

life is getting harder. ok basically, we've a lot of problems at work. this month is appraisal month aka 'say whatever you are unhappy at work ' month.

A said a lot of things about H and even tho she didnt mention the name and Maria almost thought it was me, she revealed its H in the end.

I said about M being the best boss anyone could ever have and that i wanted to go either Biochem/Hemato/Bacti (aka the shit lab). well, i actually didn't say i wanted to go biochem cuz i thought biochem is a place where automation rules and you cant learn anything other than fixing the machine and robots. but i'm super desperate now, i'm willing to go ANYWHERE.

M talked about her cannot tahan H and wanting to get out to maybe SOClab. Maria actually offered her a place at biochem. wahh

i've no idea what H said. but we must all presume the worst = she talked bad about all of us not giving her our team work.

so now, i'm worried . what if M comes out and A and I don't get it? then we gotto deal with H's shit aLONE by ourselves. I told A today, i will NOT stay at bedok if M comes out. if i dont get out to biochem or some other department, i'll QUIT. actually i am already searching for other jobs at the meantime. i dont care even if they offer me higher pay, i will not stay at bedok if M is not there. another situation is they take H out, then i'll be bored cuz my main intention is to get out of bedok. away with working with old people and in with people my age!

and i've got a problem with my health. don't know if there's anything wrong. hope J can help me get a solution.

and schoolwise, I PASSED BIOCHEM!!!! bioc 2201 my most hated subject. haha happy. that's the only thing that really made my day today.

applied for Quest and L ask me to go for NIE. think she talking rubbish, why would i wanna go NIE when i'm at PSB doing deg. she really is nutters sometimes.

2009-10-28T23:11:00.003+08:00

i don't know if anyone reads this blog. lol and for the record, i do read alvin's.

anyways, i have a few things going on in my life and i want to sort it out. feel quite tired of it already. and 1 new thing which is happening which leaving me confused. am i working it out right? i thought i was until i saw otherwise, but i do hope the next 2 weeks would leave me better.

maybe i just need a friend.

2009-10-20T22:18:00.002+08:00

i loved my birthday. and it was all made possible by dearest alvin! well, i actually thought it would be any normal day except that its a day where i turn 1 year older (23 already leh!). i was looking forward to just chilling at his house, helping with his school work. but little did i know, he was scheming something with wilson. haha i dont know when the scheming began (prob during service), but alvin took me home and said he wanted to go suntec to buy stuff , which i was like thinkingsince when did you go suntec to buy art supply. then suddenly when we left the house, he said he wanted to drop by minds cafe to see his ntu friends. so to me, i'm kinda suspicious already la. so i just went along with it and actually i thought i wont be surprised to see the cell people there, but i was genuinely surprised . i'm touched by the fact that he made a very wonderful day even more wonderful plus the people who were there : qingying, wilson, arnold, celene, reuben, alvin fan and matthias as well. it was a short 2 hours but it was sweet as well. thank you dearest!

2009-10-16T23:23:00.000+08:00

i just want you to want me

2009-10-16T00:29:00.002+08:00

no appreciation but its OKay!

what i want for my birthday:
- BOOST chocolate no nuts (pack of 16 to last me 2 weeks)
- new bedsheets
- new flipflops
- new job? hehe
- lots of fishermen pants in all sorts of colours
- minus 5 kg
- a quiet time with my lover
- very 'unchristian' to say this but i want to strike $1mil. ho yea!

i wonder to myself why am i such a touchy person. starting to freak and disgust me.