these are really the times where i feel the loneliest. want more hugs more kisses, more love.

motivate and encourage me, whoever is reading this. i hate to speak my mind and i feel like clamming up. don't blame me.

the times i feel like quitting everything and just go into my hideaway (do i even have one?)

know why i love to swim? listen to industrial? because those are the times when i truly feel myself.

swimming makes me let go off all the bad vibes and energy other than getting a tan.

the water. it makes you feel peaceful. makes me feel whole and in control. don't you know that water has calming effect? lol

industrial... it's just the bad side of me getting 'high' haha. sounds funny i shan't elaborate.

know why i understood how K was going through? because i've gone through it before.

confession: i've undergone a silent depression. yes silent meaning its within me and i fought it myself. i didn't want to tell anyone. why? because why tell? why make people show the concern . the fake concern when all along even when you're ok, they dont even show anything.

not that i'm saying K is going through depression but.. you get the gist.

it's an everpresent internal war which battles i haven't won totally. and i don't know why i'm even writing this here. maybe i just want someone to ask me and listen to me, to ask me 'how are you', to tell me 'i love you'

but i know this; never again will i lower myself to please other people. and i do mean it.