i miss you but i dont dare to say to you
posted by Queen P @ 8:08 PM
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2 Comments:
At 12:10 AM ,
Alvin said...
i have been worn out over the years, always having to resolve this problem and that problem and it has taken a huge toll on me. so much so that it is all there is that i see between us. im not sure if it is being comfortable with one another or its a problem, but i know recently i have been seeing things that i said falling on deaf ears, whether it is as a partner, leader, friend, advisor. i have told you to do things and often it falls on deaf ears and im irritated. no, saying you will do it doesnt cut it anymore because it hasnt worked all these years without a threat of some sort. so that my first problem.
although i do agree to some extent that trust is 2ways, i think there will come times when we just blindly trust knowing that he/she does the right thing. we may never see things from each other's perspective and i think there should be a good measure of respect for each other that each will do their part for the relationship. i dont think crazily grabbing onto the partner is the right way of being in a relationship but learning to let go as well. im sure you heard of the dog on the leash stories. and my theory is if you do meet someone else who you think is better than me, then go ahead. whats the point of keeping someone who wants someone better? so yea.. i think as far as jealousy goes, its best to not show it, because it makes you look bad. and no, it doesnt show the other person you want them or whatever. and when you say it and then say nevermind after that, hey its as good as saying 'im jealous, but nevermind' like wth, it doesnt even make sense.
i think for us, its best to grow with some maturity in thought. that said, im not sure how to use it but i think we are pretty immatured.
i am just blabbering here and saying what comes to mind. recently i ve seen that i ve been talking, and perhaps you are listening, or perhaps you zoned out, or i talk too much, but i think its very rude to just pick up your hp and start looking at it when im talking to you. and esp when u cant reply, it makes me even more pissed. as much as i enjoy talking, that really turns me off. that said, i think you too should learn to talk, somehow you keep saying that 'exciting things doesnt happen to you' but thats no excuse to not talk.
and as far as our relationship goes, i think its always a must to keep things fresh. thats why i asked to do the WHATEVERRR thing but obviously it died down. and whatever it is, its really both ways to make a relationship exciting. why must alvin decide everything. why must alvin always have the final say. why must things be the way they are and not change a little for good or from time to time. no, its not about being creative and whatever excuse you like to make, but its effort. and either we bother to or we dont bother, thats all.
to end of on a better note, i do enjoy hanging out, exchanging views (not one sided talk), laughing and being close. i suppose i have to admit that it is my fault for the whole touching thing as well as the not being the touch person to you, but i would put in effort in future.
and just to add, not to make you jealous but i ve have been hanging out with that 17 year old and i learnt some stuff from her, and how it feels to get to know someone from scratch and being interested in their life, background and stories. and although we may generally know each other, i think there should be a healthy exchange on how we view things and all...and it can be big stuff like meaning of work to even smaller things like how we view stuff.. so yea.
it really takes 2 hands to clap, and i hope you and i make effort to connect on a physical, mental and perhaps even spiritual level.
At 12:16 AM ,
Alvin said...
oh and i decided to meet up with this friend perhaps once or twice a week till she makes friends of her own. as a friend i want to make sure shes fine and shes only 17, dont want anything bad to happen to her.
dont say yes cuz you want to be 'agreeable'
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